


Bottom of a Swimming Pool

by 40ozandsober



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Angst, CSA Trauma, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Denied Feelings, Gay, Gay Mac, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, MacDennis - Freeform, PTSD, Slow Burn, Smut, Trans Charlie Kelly, Trans Male Character, bi charlie, bi charlie kelly, charmac - Freeform, gay relationship, mlm, sexual assault trauma, trans!charlie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-09 23:04:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20517920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/40ozandsober/pseuds/40ozandsober
Summary: Charlie and Mac had always gone through everything together. Mac treated Charlie like the most important boy in the world, despite Charlie's being trans. Charlie helped Mac through his childhood with his parents. They were the only two people who ever truly cared about one another. The only real problem for the two of them was Dennis.





	1. Skinned Knees & Gapped Teeth

**Author's Note:**

> ok so!! hi i'm noah ! this is only the first chapter and most of this is just to get plot details out of the way. YES this fic will be trans!charlie. yes, mac is gay, as always. YES mac will struggle with his sexuality. yes, i'm gonna include some angst bc hi this is charmac...... also every single chapter will be titled after a song from my charmac playlist thank u!! <3

— Childhood Flashbacks: Age 6 —  
  
Charlie was 6 years old and obsessed with books, but he could never understand how to read them. The letters got jumbled up and the pages would start to move. He could try to sound the words out, but everything would just sound twisted when it left his mouth. He tried to read short stories in class all the time, but the other students laughed at him when he was called to read aloud. He knew he was behind his grade, so he slowly gave up on learning to read. Another boy in his class, though, recognized Charlie's difficulty with reading and asked him if they could play together during recess. Charlie wasn't used to this, but he said sure, of course.

Ronald, the other boy, wasn't quite popular either. His full name was silly, he was awkward, and he wasn't that smart, so all the kids didn't even try to be his friend. Ronald asked Charlie to hang out because he got lonely sitting at recess in the back alley reading silently to himself. It got too quiet, and in Ronald's family, quiet wasn't normal. Ronald asked Charlie to call him Mac in exchange for help on his reading, and Charlie happily said yes.

Mac spent his time at recess reading to Charlie, which helped Mac extend his ability and also helped Charlie learn. The two boys finished around two longer books a month, starting with the Wizard of Oz. Charlie thought the book was silly, but he liked hearing the words come from Mac. Sometimes, they would practice sounding out simple words and letters, so maybe Charlie wouldn't stumble over reading aloud in class. It wasn't perfect, but hey, it was better than being illiterate.

Charlie quite enjoyed the time spent with Mac, and eventually, he tried to see if they could maybe hang out after school, just to play. He asked Mac multiple times over, saying, "Please, Mac. I'm working really hard and I just want to play with my friend." but Mac refused. The more he was asked, the angrier Mac got, until finally he snapped at Charlie. For a week or so after that, Mac stayed inside during recess. He hated Charlie for being so nosy about his life. School was the one place he didn't have to worry about everyone knowing the truth about the McDonalds, and if Charlie knew the truth, he'd hate Mac.

Mac wanted to tell Charlie everything, but he didn't think Charlie would understand. Even though Charlie wasn't super bright when it came to reading, he seemed to have a good life, which Mac had never had. He just didn't want his school to know who his family really was, and he couldn't bare to lose his only friend.

Eventually, Charlie just gave up on trying to become friends with Mac again, but Mac had a change of heart. The boys quickly rekindled their friendship after Mac realized Charlie didn't have the perfect life. He had came to school with ripped shoes and a tattered shirt, and Mac thought it over. He went up to Charlie during recess and saw Charlie crying onto the pages of the Wizard of Oz.

Mac quietly sat down beside the boy and nudged him softly, trying to get his attention. The boy looked up at Mac and stifled his cries for a second.

"What's wrong, buddy?" Mac asked him gently, trying to comfort his friend.

"I just can't understand it! I'm so stupid. I don't know how to read, I can't spell. I'm just dumb. I need your help."

Mac shushed his friend, telling him he wasn't dumb. "Being smart isn't just a book thing, dude! You're funny and you make me laugh. I'll help, I'm sorry I got mad."

Charlie smiled through his tears and hugged his friend, thanking him for his help. Mac finally let Charlie see where he lived after that incident. Mac told him the truth about the fact that his family was sort of a mess, and Charlie told Mac that he didn't have a dad. It was funny, how two different people could relate on such a deep level, but they did it, even from such a young age.

Mac supported Charlie through everything, and Charlie trusted nobody except Mac. That would never change.

— Childhood Flashbacks: Age 12 —

Charlie had a secret. Well, he had multiple secrets actually. He never told anybody most of them. Some of them, not even Mac knew. By the time he was 10, he started to feel weird. He had gotten his first period at age 11 and his mom told him it was the beginning of becoming a woman, but that didn't really sound right to him. He wasn't quite sure the idea of becoming a woman fit him. 

He started to think about being called Charles and was trying to work up the nerve to ask his very best friend to call him a boy. He didn't quite know how Mac would react though. Besides, even if he did work up the nerve, what was he going to tell him? He didn't really understand what was going on inside his own body, so how was he going to explain it to somebody else? He knew he was probably just overreacting, because Mac was his best friend who supported him no matter what, but telling him that something about his body was off seemed terrifying. Instead of telling him out loud, he wanted to just write to Mac about how he felt, but he still didn't quite understand writing.

Finally, despite being horrified, he told Mac everything. He explained to Mac how he didn't really see himself as a girl, which slightly confused Mac, but of course, who was Mac to judge? Mac slowly began to call Charlie a boy and he/him pronouns, occasionally calling him Charles to make him smile. Charlie loved that. He loved being so accepted for who he was. He still didn't quite understand what he was or who he was, but he knew he wasn't a girl, and he slowly began to express that to his mother as well. He was just happy his best friend still loved him regardless.

That was all that mattered to Charlie. All he ever cared about was Mac and Mac's approval. He didn't really understand why Mac was all he thought about, but he knew he enjoyed it. He spent his days hanging out with his best friend at the park, playing games in his basement, just watching TV on the couch. Even in times when others would be bored, Charlie and Mac were entertained and happy, simply because they had each other. They were each other's whole world.


	2. You Remind Me of Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> general tw and tw for m*lestation mention! heavily implied, no direct details though!!

— Childhood Flashbacks: Age 13 —

When Charlie was 13, his mom was running out of money quickly. She wasn’t making enough from the men who would come visit their house every week and she just needed help paying the rent for a little bit. Because of this, Bonnie let her brother, Jack, rent out the guest bedroom in her house. Uncle Jack made Charlie uncomfortable and he found himself unable to sleep most nights, because he never knew if Jack was going to come to his room. Some nights Jack did, and those were the worst of all. Charlie tried telling his mom, but Bonnie didn’t listen, so Charlie was stuck.

Charlie didn’t know how to talk to Mac about it. He knew they were best friends and would help each other through everything, but he didn’t know how he was going to say the horrible things he had been through. All he told Mac was that he couldn’t handle sleeping at his house anymore and Mac immediately made an important decision.

“Mom, my friend Charlie is gonna start spending the night a lot. Is that okay?” Mac asked his mom one morning before school, even though she was drunk and probably wouldn’t even remember the conversation.

“I don’t give a shit,” Mrs. Mac mumbled, groaning. Mac took that as a yes and told Charlie the very same day that he could pack up some clothes, bring a toothbrush, and stay at his house as long as he wanted.

“Thanks, man. I just.. I don’t want to go home anymore. I can’t.” Charlie was tearing up, which automatically rubbed Mac the wrong way. He knew something was wrong at Charlie’s house, but he just couldn’t get Charlie to tell him what. He knew not to push the boy anymore and just accepted that he didn’t fully understand what was happening.

The next day, Charlie spent the night at Mac’s house. He stayed there for a week at a time typically, then spent a night at his own house so his mom didn’t get worried. This cycle repeated for a long time. The only downside to it was Charlie’s nightmares.

It took awhile for Mac to get used to the screaming, whimpering, and crying Charlie did during his sleep. Charlie would sob, wake Mac up yelling, and scream for hours sometimes. Mac didn’t know how to make it stop, but one morning he finally told Charlie about it waking him up some nights.

When Mac was making breakfast for the two of them, Charlie walked in and sat down. “Hey buddy. Can we talk?” Mac asked, which immediately made Charlie’s blood run cold. He was used to losing people in his life or being hurt by those he loved, but he never wanted Mac to be one of those people.

“Sure, did I do something?” Charlie stammered out, riddled with anxiety already.

“No, not at all. You’re good, bro. I just wanted to talk to you about your nightmares.” Mac explained. Somehow, that made Charlie even more anxious. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to tell Mac what his uncle had done to him for many nights, but maybe it was time.

He started to reply to Mac, but Mac continued on. “You don’t have to tell me everything about them and what happens in them. You don’t even have to tell me why they happen. It’s okay, I understand how tough things can be. I just wanted to tell you that when you have them, if they wake you up and you can’t go back to sleep or feel scared and upset, wake me up. Please.”

Charlie didn’t really know what to say to that. Nobody had ever cared for him the way Mac cared for him, so this was uncharted territory for him. Instead of saying anything back, he just nodded his head. Mac knew what that meant from him, so he dropped the subject. They ate their breakfast, got ready for school, and got on the bus. Charlie prepared himself for the mean comments about his lack of self hygiene while Mac prepared himself to fight the kids being rude to his best friend. Just like every day.

All they ever needed was each other. Mac protected Charlie, Charlie protected Mac. They were the only people that mattered.

A few weeks after they had that conversation, Mac woke up by being shaken vigorously. Charlie was crying, more than Mac had ever seen. He was panting, like he couldn’t catch his breath, and Mac immediately jumped to protection mode.

“Charlie? Charlie, buddy. You’re okay. What’s wrong? What happened?” Mac rushed out, and Charlie tried to stop sobbing, tried being the key term. He just kept crying and shaking. Mac went to hug Charlie and hold him, and the boy backed away quickly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Mac said softly, but Charlie shut him up by moving in closer.

“I need a hug. A Mac hug. That’s all.” Charlie sniffled. It was hard for him to accept physical affection, but he knew he could trust his best friend.

Mac didn’t even reply. He just wrapped his arms around Charlie and held tightly. Something was different about this hug. Something was softer about Charlie, warmer about Mac. 

Mac moved his arms a little bit and laid back, letting Charlie relax and lay on him. One of Mac’s hands found its way in Charlie’s hair and played with it softly. It was weird. Mac thought Charlie’s hair would be oily and tough, but it was the exact opposite.

They laid like that for a little bit, until Charlie began to talk. “Can I tell you something? I think I’m ready to talk about it.” The boy asked Mac, to which Mac nodded his head softly.

Charlie spent the rest of the night recounting everything that had happened to him in his bedroom when his mom went to bed. Mac didn’t judge him and he didn’t accuse him of lying. He just sat there and listened, despite the fact that his blood was boiling at the idea of somebody hurting Charlie. 

All Mac wanted to do was protect his favorite person in the whole world, and he hadn’t been doing that, but he was now, by not letting Charlie go home anymore. Charlie was safe. Mac was going to protect him and keep him safe from Jack, forever and always.

— End of Flashback: 29 Years Later —

Charlie woke up from a really terrible nightmare. He didn’t have them often anymore, but sometimes he couldn’t help but dream of things that had happened to him when he was younger. He knew he was safe from everything now, but God, sometimes the dreams were so realistic. Normally, he could pick one thing in the nightmares that was completely fake and different from real life, so he could separate himself from it entirely. The nightmare he had just had, though, was completely true to real life.

It had been a long time since he had had to call Mac about a nightmare, but this one was something he just couldn’t handle by himself. Of course, Mac answered the phone and immediately offered to use Dennis’s car to come pick him up, so they could hang out.

Less than half an hour later, Mac was at Charlie’s apartment. As soon as Charlie walked out his apartment and locked the door shut behind him, Mac engulfed him in a massive hug. Charlie’s body was tiny compared to Mac’s, so when they hugged, it made Charlie giggle a little, which Mac adored.

Neither of them really spoke about how they felt when they were together, because there was no need anymore. They both knew the truth about what was going on between them, but neither of them ever mentioned it. 

Mac had finally come out and began to accept himself as gay, whereas Charlie had always known he liked men and women. It was hard for Charlie to be with either, especially sexually, because of his being transgender, but with Mac, it was different.

Mac drove them back to his apartment and they went into his room, laying down, finally able to relax. Charlie cuddled up against Mac, Mac’s arms wrapped around his waist.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I’m tired of thinking about it. I just want to lie here with you.” Charlie responded, turning his body around to face Mac. He slowly moved his hand to Mac’s hair, kissing him on the forehead.

It had taken Mac awhile to be okay with kissing when they were sober. They still hadn’t gone any further than cuddling and kissing sometimes, but sometimes Mac thought about it. He knew he wanted Charlie, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready, especially to do anything while sober. Mac knew he was gay, he had known that his whole life, but it was taking longer for him to actually act on it.

Charlie understood that, of course. If anybody understood not being ready for romantic and physical affection, it was him. Neither of them pushed one another, and that was sort of what made it perfect. Regardless, they enjoyed their time together.

Mac held onto Charlie and kissed him softly, mumbling something under his breath.

“What was that?” Charlie asked.

“Nothin’. Mind your business.” Mac replied, smiling at his best friend. Charlie knew what Mac had said, but neither of them were willing to admit how they felt. “I love you” was too real to be said yet, and both of them understood that. The feeling was mutual, though. It had taken years for them to realize it fully, but they knew now.

They fell asleep like that, in each other’s arms. When Mac woke up, he made sure to be careful and not wake Charlie up. He went into the living room, where Dennis was already awake, watching TV.

“You guys need to stop fucking at our apartment,” Dennis chuckled, knowing it would piss Mac off. Mac hated how Dennis joked about their lives, but he couldn’t tell him that. He had gotten used to Dennis’s gross comments, but sometimes, it made him angry for Charlie. 

He didn’t appreciate people mentioning sex about Charlie. It rubbed him the wrong way, but instead of getting mad, he just went and made breakfast.

Sometimes, Mac just wished Dennis would stop. Dennis seemed jealous of Charlie, almost, which made no sense to Mac. Because of his past with Den, he didn’t think he was even into him, but maybe that wasn’t true. Mac didn’t know. Maybe he just didn’t want to know.

He hated what he had done to Charlie in the past when it came to Dennis, so he didn’t think he even cared about what Den thought now. He just wanted to be happy with Charlie. That was all he really wanted from the world now. Dennis had messed up his relationship with Charlie in the past, but he’d never allow that to happen again.

Charlie had woken up and smiled at Mac who was busy making pancakes. Mac wasn’t the best cook, so many of the pancakes ended up burnt and in the trash, but Charlie enjoyed the thought that went into it. They ate their breakfast, then got ready for work. 

Charlie kissed Mac one last time before they left the apartment, knowing they couldn’t do it again until they had left Paddy’s that night. Dennis might have made jokes about Charlie and Mac being together, but the two of them still hadn’t confirmed it to the gang. They didn't know how to fully tell the other three. 

Of course, they all knew, just based off the longing looks that passed between Charlie and Mac at Paddy’s and when the gang worked on their numerous schemes, but the couple was afraid to fully come out and just say it. That would take awhile for them to admit, and it was tougher than they thought it would be.

Charlie hated having to hide it. He felt inadequate, but he knew it was a senseless fear of abandonment and betrayal that stemmed from his past that made him overthink it. 

He never told Mac how it made him feel, because he didn’t want to push the love of his life away. He just glanced at Mac throughout the day, a glimmer of hope and absolute adoration in his eye. Then, when they were alone, they’d kiss and cuddle for hours on end, or until they had to be around others again. Maybe one day, they could be open about their relationship. 

Charlie just stayed by Mac’s side and waited for that day to come. He would wait forever if he needed to, because Charlie knew what he wanted forever. All he wanted was Mac. It had always been Mac.


End file.
